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peak:

The A/C was fixed this morning.


valley:

The class I was going to take was postponed.


noise:

Semisonic.
"Closing Time"


sustenance:

Spaghetti.


thoughts:

Old friends.
Current relationships.


friday, june 30th

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Quote Du Jour:
"There is boundary to men's passions when they act from feelings; but none when they are under the influence of imagination." (Edmund Burke)


Only four days until the Fourth! The closer it gets, the happier I am. I'm hoping that I can get a butt-load of people over to the house for fireworks because I love an audience. And what's better than fireworks on the fourth of July? Not much. Although, I must admit... I've got a little anxiety about my show. Did I buy as much as last year? Should I go buy more? Will people like it? I worry too much.

There is only one problem with the fourth of July. It's the climax of my summer. I consider the time leading up to the fourth feels the beginning of summer... of course, that means that the time after the fourth is the end. And I've never ever had a summer that I wanted to end. I hope this won't be the first. (0327)


I'm facing my first conflict (sort of) at work. I've got a coworker with little professional experience, without working knowledge of a basic program we use and with no higher education. Of course, she considers herself an expert. Everyone seems to love her... and she is a really nice gal. But it blows my mind how someone can act like they're an expert at something without any basis for such a viewpoint.

She has made a few comments to me that had a bad "I'm the expert, so let me tell you how it's done" type of tone. I've done more work over a longer period of time and have had more success than she has. What makes her think that she's the expert? I dunno. But I believe in teamwork in the office and so I stay quiet. My attitude about her attitude won't hurt the project. It will actually make it better... 'cause instead of trashing her verbally, I'll do my best to out do her on the project. And that's sorta crazy because she (the less experienced one) should be the one proving herself. Not me. (0339)
I try not to be cocky. Because I think cocky is bad. I go for confident instead. Cockiness is blind. You think you are the best and no one can top you. With confidence, you think you are pretty good... but you continue to work to maintain the level of excellence you've achieved.

I've been blessed with some success here and there as far as my work goes. But one of my fears is that I'll reach a point where I think that my work will always be good... a point that I stop working as hard as I can to do the best job possible. That's one of my nightmares -- that I wake up one morning and stop reaching higher and farther. (0345)
I got a call from an old friend today. For reference's sake, let's call her Lecia. I haven't seen her for some time... actually, it's been more than a year. She graduated college and moved off. We sort of lost contact after that until I found her e-mail address last month and sent her a note. We've talked a few times through e-mail and on the phone since then. Anyway, her call today was to let me know she would be in town tonight. It will be late tonight, but I'm hoping she calls me so we can catch up... it will be good to see her again.

Lecia and I never dated... but we came close a couple of times. We spent a lot of time together when she lived nearby... lots of dinner-and-a-movie nights... some considered it dating... but it was nothing more than friendship. Although we did cross the friendship line once...

One night, we had taken a road trip with another friend (also a gal) to do some clubbing. She and our other friend were pretty drunk. I was the designated driver. We all went back to our hotel room and crashed. I happened to fall asleep in Lecia's bed. In the middle of the night, she woke me and told me to cut off the lamp. The next thing I know, her shirt was off... hands were wandering... and then, my good conscious hits me -- hard. I said, "should we be doing this?" She replied with something along the lines of, "maybe not." She then rolled over and went back to sleep. With the decision making point behind me, my good conscious left me and my guy conscious came back. I laid there thinking, "why did I stop that from happening?"

The next morning, Lecia advised me that what happened that night didn't really happen... and we weren't to talk about it ever. That pact lasted for a while... probably a year or more... and then I brought it up one night and she seemed cool about talking about it. There have been a few times I've thought about the "what ifs." What if I hadn't questioned what we were doing? What if I had taken it as far as I could have? Of course, the "what ifs" are all that remain because we haven't crossed the friendship line since. (2142)

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