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peak:

My cousins are still here... and they are still cute.


valley:

Work sucks.


noise:

Lonestar: "Smile."

REM: "Everybody Hurts."


sustenance:

McDonald's Fries. 


thoughts:

About how much work sucks... And how much I'm making it worse than it probably is.


monday, july 17th

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Quote Du Jour:
"What I've got they used to call the blues. Nothing is really wrong. Feeling like I don't belong. Walking around some kind of lonely clown. Rainy days and Mondays always get me down." - The Carpenters, "Rainy Days and Mondays."

Maybe it's because I have no real schedule. (I just do stuff when I do stuff). Or maybe it's because some of the people I'm working with act like they're three years old. Or maybe it's because I thought I had left this place of employment for good several years ago. Or maybe it's because I'm totally sidetracked with the other parts of my life...

Whatever it is... I'm just not into my work lately.

In the beginning, I was all over my work. Doing it left and right. I was digging it. And then, I was a little hesitant to jump in and get it done. But once I started, they old spunk returned. But recently, the fire just ain't there. I'm thinking it's because my brain is on other things... but one of the things my brain is on is the place where I work. I've been at this for a few weeks. Every now and then, I get creative with the work I'm doing. In my design work, I like to think that a few of the projects I've worked on have been pretty good. But in reality, it feels like the same thing over and over again. And I hate the same thing. I guess Jessie was right. (I knew she was.) I really love new stuff. And the same old thing just doesn't work for me. What's so sad about this... is the work that I consider repetitious after a few weeks is the same work that my coworkers will be doing week after week when I leave. How sad.

But what I wonder may be more saddening is if I can never become content with life... but is contentment overrated? What about happiness? Is that possible... maybe I'm just making contentment and happiness one in the same when they really aren't. (2157)


Speaking of coworkers... At what age are people supposed to grow up?

When I was a tee-tiny-tot, I had this vision of "grown-ups" being smart and mature and responsible. In reality, I think many people that should be adults are merely children in big bodies. And I guess there's nothing I can really do about that... but it still bugs the hell out of me.

Now am I one of those goobers that thinks that I'm a full-fledged, card-carrying adult when the 18th or 21st birthday hits? Nope. In fact, I joke with friends that I don't ever really want to grow up. I want Santa Claus to always visit. I want birthdays to always include cake and ice cream. I never want to stop loving Disney World. But what makes me different from so many is that my "little kid" persona is just a part of who I am. A lot of folks have no little kid left in them... and others are 100% little kid. I think I work with a few of the latter.

One gal who, I'm guessing, is in her early to mid 30s reminds me of my 21-year-old ex-girlfriend. My coworker has got this guy that she says she's not dating... I believe the words she used to describe the relationship were that they had never kissed with tongue. However, the guy and his people think something entirely different. They are under the impression that they are dating. Heck, he sends her flowers all of the time. And when folks see them together, they appear lovey-dovey. What's with that? Either you like someone or you don't. It's not nice to screw with people's emotions like that. It's childish. This girl I'm working with is using this guy's heart to get free dinners and flowers. That's low. Really frikkin' low.

Another girl I work with (she's 20 or 21) is totally insane. I have to work near here with no walls to separate our work space. She seems like she had the potential to be "good people" but she seems to push my aggravation button a lot. She's always talking about how the computer she works at is a, "piece of do-do." And there's probably nothing in the office she wouldn't like to see replaced (our stuff really isn't that bad). Her answer to any problem probably beings with the word, "new." As in, "I need a new printer" or "I need a new computer." She has little or no post-preparatory education but thinks she is some design guru. She talked about being the editor of her school's newspaper. I was thinking college. Nope. She was talking high school. How sad. (2315)

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