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peak:

Had a good trip to see Jessie.


valley:

I've got to go to
work tonight.


noise:

Cowboy Mouth:
"How Do You Tell
Someone."


sustenance:

A Reese's Cup.


thoughts:

Work.
Relationships.
Sex & Friendship.


Sunday, july 23th

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Quote Du Jour:
"The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness." - Susan Serandon as Annie Savoy in "Bull Durham."

I think I have a tumor or something. I've had so many headaches and neck aches lately. It's starting to get old. Call me old fashioned if you will... but I'm not a fan of pain. And in addition to the pain, I'm sleepy at odd times of the day. And it's not like I'm sleep deprived or something. I'm getting plenty. Who knows what the problem is... (1934)


If you came searching for an update between Thursday and now, please accept my apologies for not finding one. (Actually, I should make GeoCities apologize.) I tried to upload Friday's entry Friday & Saturday with no luck. It seems that my FTP software and GeoCities were not getting along. I gave up about lunch on Saturday and left for an overnight trip to see Jessie.

Speaking of, the trip wasn't bad. We went to see an Arena Football 2 game. Although the season is almost over (nothing left but the playoffs), I must recommend that everyone go see a game. It's like football on drugs. The field is so much smaller and allows the teams to score more... And there are walls around the field which gives a sort of hockey-esque twist to things. And as I heard one fan say Saturday night, "the music here is better than at a club."

When things got quiet later on at her apartment, it gave me a chance to reflect (when am I NOT reflecting?) on the year that has passed. You see, it was in that apartment a year ago that I let it slip that I loved her more than any other person on the face of the planet (but not necessarily in a romantic sort of way). And then I met Lindsay. And then, you could say, Pandora's Box was wide open.

So, for me, it was a little weird looking back on the events in the year since that night... I mean, a lot of stuff has happened... and at that time, I had no clue what was ahead of me... and I have no clue about what's ahead of me know... and that makes a guy wonder if the next 12 months will be anything like the last. (1945)
When I left the newspaper I'm working for two years ago... I vowed never to come back... not even for a temporary project (like I've done this summer). I guess the lesson there is to never say, "never." But another lesson I should learn is to listen to my gut. Two years ago, I knew what I was talking about.

I'm not miserable at my job. I am getting decent money. And I am working in a field that mostly enjoy. But I'm definitely not happy. And although not being happy at work is a feeling that millions of people have to deal with... I don't want to be one of those millions of people. I want to be happy at work. And I always have been... until now. And that's a terrible feeling to have.

I just talked to my mother on the phone. I told her that I was about to go in to work tonight to get more stuff done. Her response was, "and make more money, right?" I guess that's why I'm working where I am this summer. And I really hate to sell out. But I really had no choice. Citibank wants me to make a few Visa payments. I've got a camera lense that needs repair. I haven't bought a CD all summer. But it's getting tougher and tougher to go into work and do stuff that I really don't want to do (I'm spending more time dealing with ads than I am news)... and working with people that have no desire to give 110% or who think the world ends at the city limits or state line. (1958)

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