My High:

Woke up before 8.
Was at work by 9.
Got stuff done.

My Low:

I pretty much wasted away this afternoon. I guess a half-day of productivity was all I could manage.

Listening To:

John Mellencamp:
"Jack & Diane."

Last Thing I Ate:

PB&J Sandwich.

Thinking About:

Ovarian cysts.
Helping Jessie move some furniture.

the third day of august, 2000... a thursday.

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Quote Du Jour:
"Honesty is the first chapter of the book of wisdom." - Thomas Jefferson.

This afternoon, I was trying to track down Lindsay or Alex to ask them a question regarding school. The two of them were supposed to be on vacation in Florida sometime this week. I wasn't sure when they'd be back, so I called. Alex is still in Florida. So I found it a bit odd when Lindsay got my voice mail and called me from home.

It seems that she didn't go because she's been sick. She told me that she was hemorrhaging. You know... female hemorrhaging. For two days. And they were the wrong two days for a girl to be hemorrhaging. So, she tells me that she went to the emergency room. They check her out. They tell her she has an ovarian cyst. "Yikes!" Lindsay tells me that it appears benign. I don't care... if this news is true, it still deserves a, "Yikes!"

Did you notice my little if? ("If this news is true")

You see, Lindsay's honesty problems aren't exclusive to our relationship. She lies to everyone... and lies about everything... even serious health matters. About the time we were breaking up, she claimed that her ex-boyfriend (and one-time fiance) had cancer. I never received any collaborating information. She also claimed to have some sort of unknown illness herself. She said that it was something internal. And that the doctors had been doing a lot of blood work. She even went as far as to tell me they were planning exploratory surgery.

Here's the deal, though... Blood work? No needle marks. No band-aids. The one time she point-blank said, "I just came from my doctor and had blood work done," I gave her a good look over myself and found no marks. Do they have a new way of taking blood that I don't know of? And the appointment slip in her car that she said was from the doctor? Well, I almost sat on it when I got in her car... and I took a look before I handed it over. It wasn't a medical doctor, it was a therapist. As far as the exploratory surgery goes. She is yet to check to into any hospital for any surgery. (She claims that tomorrow she will check in to have this cyst deal taken care of.)

The thing is... Why would anyone lie about this kind of stuff? To be the center of attention? Heck, find something else to put you in the spot light. Something positive. I would hate to know that the only recognition I got in life was when I was pretending to have an illness. That's sad.

I want to be worried about Lindsay. I want to care about her illness. But sadly, there is just as much of me doubting her claims as there is worrying about her... and I hate that... I really do. That's not the way I want it to be. (2133)

I remember reading on a journal webring site about how "what I ate for breakfast" and "I just want to die" journals would not be accepted. I remember writing about that in my journal. I don't want this to be either. And I know that at times... it seems that it's not either... but instead, it's a "Lindsay sucks" journal. And that's not how I want it to be either. And I've been doing some looking around. And I guess I spew opinion a little more than most folks with popular online journals. And I don't tell enough about what I'm doing... just how I feel about what I'm doing. And when I think about it... I feel like I'm not doing my part to be like the others. But then I think to myself. This isn't the others' journal. It's mine. And I've been writing for it longer than I have for any other journal. So I've gotta be doing something right, huh? (2144)

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