My High:

Jessie came down on Saturday, went to dinner and a club with me & my friends and spent the night. A great time was had by all.

My Low:

Honestly, no real low today... Last night had a few funky moments, but other than that, the weekend has not been problematic.

Listening To:

Random MP3s and flipping channels on TV.

Last Thing I Ate:

Chicken Strips from the campus fast food joint.

Thinking About:

How I want my friends to be truthful... but how I've fibbed a few times before... and how those times blew up in my face

the twenty-seventh day of august, 2000... a sunday.

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Note From Thomas Fletcher:
Although I was away from my computer for the time between August 20-26, I did record a few things in a paper journal. Those entires (sans the high, low, quotes, lyrics, etc) are online... Just thought I'd let you know in case you wanted to check them out.

Alrighty, now... I'm back in the saddle again. The computer is here. Regular updates shall resume as of now. (Pending no natural or personal disasters).

One of the things that will be a tee-tiny bit different is some alias-action I've had going on. Most will stay. However, some of them are just to dumb to keep around. And I'm taking a vow to stop creating stupid ones in the future. Everyone needs a real name. The way I look at it, I've spilled so much on these pages that if anyone I know starts reading this journal, it won't be hard to figure me out. So what's it going to hurt to use a first name or two, huh?

The first one you'll need to know is Jose. Jose was previously known as "The Flavor of the Moment". He is no longer the flavor of the moment. No longer the flavor of the day. Or the week. Or the month. He's now the guy who is attached to the resident penis in Lindsay's bed. He's got a bunch of his stuff at her place. The last dozen or so times any of my friends or I have stopped by, he's been there... and she always says that he just happened to stop by at the same time. I take that personally as an insult to my intelligence. If you are going to lie to me and make me believe it... you'll have to do a better job that what's she's done.

One of the things that I'm trying to do is call Lindsay on her bullshit. As long as everyone has known her, they've accepted her trouble with the truth as a quirk of her personality. Personally, I don't see being a habitual, compulsive and pathological lier as a quirk. I see it as a severe mental problem. And I'm not gonna let it ride any longer. I've got a few more friends joining my side and I hope to bring the issue to a head very soon. I'm ready for it to hit the fan.

Lying about stupid stuff (which Lindsay is really good at) is one thing. But when you start telling a different story to everyone you know... and you start lying about sex to people you're having or have had sex with... then I've gotta jump in and straighten the situation out.

Some of my friends (like Jonathan) don't really understand my obsession with Lindsay's lying. I think some folks believe that it's the fact that I'm still in love with her. That's the wrong answer. Lying just doesn't fly with me. I can't support it. It's something that I hate... even when I do it. And I've told a few tales in my time... and hurt some people with those lies. I guess it's that experience that makes me understand how important the truth is.

You see, this is what my concerns stem from...

Even though I scored a 30-something on the purity test the other day, I like to think of myself as a good guy. And as a good guy, I still put an importance on sex within the confines of a relationship. If you are dating someone... and this is a person you care about about and want to spend time with in the future, sex should not be a subject you treat lightly.

About a week after our first date, Lindsay gave me "the sex speech." (She didn't wait long, did she?) She told me that she was a virgin. She told me that it was her desire to stay that way until marriage. She seemed pretty strong in her convictions. When she was talking, it was as if she was alerting me, "don't try anything buddy, 'cause it ain't gonna happen." That was actually a relief for me. I wanted a relationship that didn't focus on the sex. I thought this would be my chance.

Our first date was December 4, 1999. On December 29, we had sex. So much for being a virgin and staying that way until marriage. And the kicker was, I didn't force the issue. It was totally her idea.

I had driven down from home to see her. I stopped at her house and we took her vehicle into the city where our university is. We stopped by the student newspaper office to get something and I took out my knife and, just for fun, carved the day 12-29-99 and a heart into the wall near the floor in the newsroom. I then remember going to a book store and I joked with her that I was going to get her a book of Karma Sutra positions for her birthday. This was funny because, afterall, she was not going to be having sex any time soon... or so I thought.

We sat in her truck in the parking lot of the store and tried to decide where we were going to go for dinner. In the course of the conversation... well, we kissed and played around. Hands roamed. Thoughts shifted from dinner to things that would be a little more fun. I don't remember where we ended up eating, but I did know that I didn't want to drive home that night... for a couple of reasons. I was a little tired... and I wasn't ready to leave Lindsay.

I got a room at the Shoney's Inn. Before we drove back to her house to get my truck, we decided to fool around a little. It didn't stop at "a little." Before I knew it, the clothes were off... And we were in a position that made it easy for what happened to happen. She suggested sex verbally and physically... And moved our bodies so that it became a possibility. All of a sudden, we were doing it. Shortly after we started, we stopped, she looked at the clock and decided it was time to head back to her house. A ton of emotions and feelings hit me.

I had been with a "virgin" before. I knew that there was a certain emotional impact that the first sexual experience should carry with it. I was worried about her. Also, we had taken our relationship to a new level and worried about what that would mean… about the impact it could have on things. I constantly asked her if she was okay as we drove back to her house. She assured me she was. I hoped that she was telling the truth. Once we got to her house, we decided that she would call me once I had had enough time to get back to my room. I drove back to my motel and we talked on the phone for a long while. To be honest, I don't really remember much of the specifics about what was said. I just remember great confusion about my emotional and physical feelings for Lindsay. I didn't doubt any of them… but this certainly was a "gut-check" for them.

The next day, I remember calling and talking to Jessie. I couldn't tell her about this. She was my best friend in the entire world… but there was no way I could tell her about this. This would break her heart. And I felt that her heart was already broken just because I had been dating Lindsay. Nothing could have made me hurt her again. Although I didn't know it at the time, my silence would do just what I wanted to avoid...

So you see... My concern is that Lindsay wasn't telling the truth when she said she was a virgin... Or that I wasn't the only one she was screwing at the time. That still bothers me a little bit. I mean, I'm a nice guy... but am I nice enough to make someone chunk their beliefs about sex in 25 days? I don't think so.

And she still sticks to the story that she's a virgin. And that she's against pre-marital sex. Fewer and fewer people are buying that story... but I'm still getting tired of hearing it. December 29. January 13. January 21. February 12. And maybe February 8th. Those are all dates that directly conflict with her virgin story. Because on those days, Lindsay did the one thing that virgins don't do.


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