Note
From Thomas
Fletcher:
Although I was away from my computer for the time between August 20-26, I
did record a few things in a paper journal. Those entires (sans the high,
low, quotes, lyrics, etc) are online... Just thought I'd let you know in
case you wanted to check them out.
Alrighty, now...
I'm back in the saddle again. The computer is here. Regular updates shall
resume as of now. (Pending no natural or personal disasters).
One of the things that will be a tee-tiny bit different is some alias-action
I've had going on. Most will stay. However, some of them are just to dumb
to keep around. And I'm taking a vow to stop creating stupid ones in the
future. Everyone needs a real name. The way I look at it, I've spilled so
much on these pages that if anyone I know starts reading this journal, it
won't be hard to figure me out. So what's it going to hurt to use a first
name or two, huh?
The first one you'll need to know is
Jose. Jose was previously known
as "The Flavor of the Moment". He is no longer the flavor of the moment.
No longer the flavor of the day. Or the week. Or the month. He's now the
guy who is attached to the resident penis in
Lindsay's bed. He's got a bunch
of his stuff at her place. The last dozen or so times any of my friends or
I have stopped by, he's been there... and she always says that he just happened
to stop by at the same time. I take that personally as an insult to my
intelligence. If you are going to lie to me and make me believe it... you'll
have to do a better job that what's she's
done.
One of the things that I'm trying
to do is call Lindsay on her bullshit. As long as everyone has known her,
they've accepted her trouble with the truth as a quirk of her personality.
Personally, I don't see being a habitual, compulsive and pathological lier
as a quirk. I see it as a severe mental problem. And I'm not gonna let it
ride any longer. I've got a few more friends joining my side and I hope to
bring the issue to a head very soon. I'm ready for it to hit the fan.
Lying about stupid stuff (which Lindsay is really good at) is one thing.
But when you start telling a different story to everyone you know... and
you start lying about sex to people you're having or have had sex with...
then I've gotta jump in and straighten the situation out.
Some of my friends (like Jonathan) don't really understand my obsession with
Lindsay's lying. I think some folks believe that it's the fact that I'm still
in love with her. That's the wrong answer. Lying just doesn't fly with me.
I can't support it. It's something that I hate... even when I do it. And
I've told a few tales in my time... and hurt some people with those lies.
I guess it's that experience that makes me understand how important the truth
is.
You see,
this is what my concerns stem from...
Even though I scored a 30-something on the purity test the other day, I like
to think of myself as a good guy. And as a good guy, I still put an importance
on sex within the confines of a relationship. If you are dating someone...
and this is a person you care about about and want to spend time with in
the future, sex should not be a subject you treat lightly.
About a week after our first date, Lindsay gave me "the sex speech." (She
didn't wait long, did she?) She told me that she was a virgin. She told me
that it was her desire to stay that way until marriage. She seemed pretty
strong in her convictions. When she was talking, it was as if she was alerting
me, "don't try anything buddy, 'cause it ain't gonna happen." That was actually
a relief for me. I wanted a relationship that didn't focus on the sex. I
thought this would be my chance.
Our first date was December 4, 1999. On December 29, we had sex. So much
for being a virgin and staying that way until marriage. And the kicker was,
I didn't force the issue. It was totally her idea.
I had driven down from home to see her. I stopped at her house and we took
her vehicle into the city where our university is. We stopped by the student
newspaper office to get something and I took out my knife and, just for fun,
carved the day 12-29-99 and a heart into the wall near the floor in the newsroom.
I then remember going to a book store and I joked with her that I was going
to get her a book of Karma Sutra positions for her birthday. This was funny
because, afterall, she was not going to be having sex any time soon... or
so I thought.
We sat in her truck in the parking lot of the store and tried to decide where
we were going to go for dinner. In the course of the conversation... well,
we kissed and played around. Hands roamed. Thoughts shifted from dinner to
things that would be a little more fun. I don't remember where we ended up
eating, but I did know that I didn't want to drive home that night... for
a couple of reasons. I was a little tired... and I wasn't ready to leave
Lindsay.
I got a room at the Shoney's Inn. Before we drove back to her house to get
my truck, we decided to fool around a little. It didn't stop at "a little."
Before I knew it, the clothes were off... And we were in a position that
made it easy for what happened to happen. She suggested sex verbally and
physically... And moved our bodies so that it became a possibility. All of
a sudden, we were doing it. Shortly after we started, we stopped, she looked
at the clock and decided it was time to head back to her house. A ton of
emotions and feelings hit me.
I had been with a "virgin" before. I knew that there was a certain emotional
impact that the first sexual experience should carry with it. I was
worried about her. Also, we had taken our relationship to a new level and
worried about what that would mean
about the impact it could have on
things. I constantly asked her if she was okay as we drove back to her house.
She assured me she was. I hoped that she was telling the truth. Once we got
to her house, we decided that she would call me once I had had enough time
to get back to my room. I drove back to my motel and we talked on the phone
for a long while. To be honest, I don't really remember much of the specifics
about what was said. I just remember great confusion about my emotional and
physical feelings for Lindsay. I didn't doubt any of them
but this
certainly was a "gut-check" for them.
The next day, I remember calling and talking to Jessie. I couldn't tell her
about this. She was my best friend in the entire world
but there was
no way I could tell her about this. This would break her heart. And I felt
that her heart was already broken just because I had been dating Lindsay.
Nothing could have made me hurt her again. Although I didn't know it at the
time, my silence would do just what I wanted to
avoid...
So you see... My concern is that
Lindsay wasn't telling the truth when she said she was a virgin... Or that
I wasn't the only one she was screwing at the time. That still bothers me
a little bit. I mean, I'm a nice guy... but am I nice enough to make someone
chunk their beliefs about sex in 25 days? I don't think so.
And she still sticks to the story that she's a virgin. And that she's against
pre-marital sex. Fewer and fewer people are buying that story... but I'm
still getting tired of hearing it. December 29. January 13. January 21. February
12. And maybe February 8th. Those are all dates that directly conflict with
her virgin story. Because on those days, Lindsay did the one thing that virgins
don't do.
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