My High:

Read the entry. See if you can guess what the high is. I think it will carry over into today for sure... if I can figure out what it means.

My Low:

The trip is over. I've got to go back to class. It's 2:00 a.m. and I'm still awake.

Listening To:

Nothing except the sound of my clacking keyboard.

Last Thing I Ate:

Papa John's
Hamburger Pizza.

Thinking About:

(a) Alex
(b) Feelings for Alex
(c) How confusing the opposite sex can be.

the eleventh day of september, 2000... a monday.

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Quote Du Jour:
"(The word wife) means a companion without whom I'm never quite complete or happy. It means the most desirable woman in the world who gets moe desirable everyday. It means some one who can make me lonely just by leaving the room." - Ronald Reagan defining what a wife is in a love letter to Nancy Reagan.


I'm baaaaaack! And I've got plenty to say. My four day journey ended Sunday evening about 6:30 CDT. It was a heck of a weekend... and I had the chance to do plenty of writing while I was gone. I'll get it all uploaded sometime this week. Actually, I did more than "plenty writing." Rarely do I do well writing long hand. Ideas usually flow better while I'm sitting at a computer. However, the good Lord knew that I would be away from the keyboard for a while and blessed with me a fast hand and a patient mind. In all, I've written more than two dozen pages on reporter notebook-sized paper. I'll have something for last Wednesday through Sunday. At least once I get everything online, the site map page won't look so bare.
I've been supplying Alex with various quotes about love and about friendship. I come into her office when she's not there and write them neatly on a post-it note... and leave it where she can see it. I never sign my name, but I draw a signature smiley face that let's her know it's me.

I bought a USA Today in the Memphis airport Thursday and there was a story about Nancy Reagan's new book of the former president's love letters. It talked about how Ronald defined the word wife... It's the quote you see above. What a quote, huh? I really love the last line... "Someone who can make me lonely just by leaving the room."

Well, I picked up a post card to send back to Alex. However, it didn't come with postage, I couldn't remember her post office box number and I didn't have time to find a stamp before flying back home today. So, I gave it to her in person. I told her that it saved me the postage... and the delivery was quicker than the mail service. On the back was the quote you see above with my smiley face below. In many ways, that last line is how I feel about Alex. Even though I'm not sure how I feel about her, it usually seems like something's missing when she's not there.

Sunday night, we had a little shindig at Jonathan's. Initially, it was supposed to me several people over to watch a movie... but it turned out to be Jonathan, Macy, Alex and I. (You'll learn about Macy when I upload the entries from my trip.) I joked about how it was the "two couples." Jonathan and Macy aren't a couple. Hell, Macy is engaged. But they are best friends and they aught to hook up... engagements be damned... those two belong together. But that's another story entirely. Anyway, before the night was over, it had indeed become just the two couples. Jonathan and Macy were outside talking on the front steps and Alex and I were inside talking. At one point, Alex suggested that everyone swap spots... and that we go outside and that the other couple come in. We did that and that's sorta where things got interesting.

We had a wonderful chat. It sort of resembled the chat we had after July 4th fireworks earlier this year. It was a distant cousin of that chat, you could say. But it was nice. At a slow point, I looked up and other than the nearly full moon, the only thing visible in the sky was a single star. I said, "if I wish on that star will you make it come true." I meant it half jokingly... half serious. Of course, she replied with, "depends on what the wish is." We joked about it some more... and talked some more. Finally, she decided she was headed home. She grabbed her things from inside Jonathan's place and I walked her to her car. She said, "I think I know where you are headed with this." I probed her... "Where am I headed? I want to know," I said. She told me, "It's your wish, what do you want." I wouldn't say. I didn't really know. Afterall, it started half jokingly. She sort of seemed a little upset that I wouldn't come out and tell her... so I said something along the lines of: tell me where you think I'm headed and if you are right, I'll tell you and if you are wrong, I'll let you know what I was thinking about. She says, "You want a kiss." I replied, "that's not a bad idea." And we kissed. It wasn't a peck. It wasn't tonsil hockey. It was something in between. But telling anymore would not be gentlemanly of me... except, of course, to say that it was nice. As we moved away from each other, she said, "but that didn't mean anything."

Yeesh. What a way to end a kiss, huh? Pecks on the cheeks or lips don't mean anything. A theatrical kiss in front of others to get a reaction doesn't mean anything. But a soft, sweet, sincere kiss... Well, those usually mean something. I dunno what she is thinking. I want to find out... but I've got to go about it the right way. I can't make mention of it when I see her later today. I think I should keep everything like it didn't happen... like it didn't mean anything. But didn't it mean something to me?

After Alex left last night, I went back inside and Macy & Jonathan were cuddled up on the couch. We talked awhile about Alex and I. They thought the two of us belonged together. They asked what had happened outside. I didn't tell them. If I needed advice about the situation, I would look for it outside of my student publications circle of friends. I've already paid the price for telling too much within that circle. I don't want to make that mistake again.

The conversation then shifted from Alex & I to just me. They told me that I don't let people get to know me because I don't "let anyone in." They say I show the extremes of my personality first and don't let people get to meet the real me. To back this up, Jonathan mentioned a statement I once told him, "No one knows the real (I.M. Fletcher). If anyone claims to, they are wrong. No one knows the real me." And that's the truth... but I think that's because I don't know who the real me is. And if I don't know the real me, how can anyone else? Every day, I'm a little different from the day before. I evolve based on the people I meet and the things I do. I thought everyone was that way. Macy told me that ladies want someone they can understand... and that I'm not easy to understand. I disagree... Well, I'll agree that a lady would want someone she could understand. But I don't think that I'm that hard. No, you can't figure me out easily... but the Cliffs Notes version of I.M. Fletcher doesn't take long to read if you get what I'm saying.

I went over to Zoë's place afterwards for her view on the night's events. She disagreed with Jonathan & Macy's views on me and my personality. She lso thought the incident between Alex and I was odd... actually, she said everything was understandable until Alex said, "that didn't mean anything." I think I'll agree with Zoë.

My criminal justice professor has lost me. Thank goodness she's following the book... Although, that's actually the problem. She began the semester writing out her lectures in long hand and reading them to the class. Now, she just opens the text book and reads from that. It takes everything I've got to stay awake for those 50 long minutes. In all seriousness, having an intro class like that could turn away a lot of people that would like to major or minor in Criminal Justice...
The following is the customer service number for the Brown & Williamson Tobacco Company. Dial the number and listen to their message until the time you are requested to choose an extension. Then you can hang up. The opening message is priceless and worth the time it takes to make the toll-free call. 1-800-578-7453.
 

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