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peak:

As of 5:38 a.m., I don't really have one.


valley:

No sleep yet.


noise:

None.


sustenance:

Nothing lately.


thoughts:

To sleep or not to sleep... that is the question.


365:

June 19: Rape in Georgia


tuesday, june 19th

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Quote Du Jour:
"Challenges are what make life interesting; overcoming them is what makes life meaningful." (Joshua J. Marine)


I'm pissed at myself at the moment. It's 5:38 a.m. and I haven't been to sleep yet. Okay, so that's not really the problem. It's the fact that I stayed awake all night and didn't accomplish a damn thing. Did I write a journal entry? Nope. Did I work on one of my other web projects? Nope. Did I clean my room like I need to? Nope. For the most part, I sat on my ass. If I was somone else looking at me over the past 12 hours or so... I'd hate me. Okay, so hate is a strong word... I do know that I wouldn't be imporessed by my action. I would consider myself to be a a lazy slob. Of course, I don't think I'm really a lazy slob at all... but as my mother has always said, "Actions speak louder than words."

Speaking of my mother, she's also accused me on several occasions of having "no concept of time." I've always denied such accusations... but as of late, I've started to think that she... she... ahem... might be right. I tend to lose myself in a moment. I stop by the fire station for a few minutes and I stay for two hours. I log onto the internet "just to check my mail" and end up surfing the Web all afternoon. Stopping by Zoë's place would be the best example of my problem. In advance, I have to give myself a certain time to leave... otherwise they'll have me over there all night. It's not that doing that is a bad thing, but its certainly not a good thing. It shows the lack of self discipline that I'd so desperately like to have. And it offers a glimpse into a part of my personality that I think needs repair.

I've always been one to go too far. This can be a very good thing. When I get behind a cause, I usually run with it until every last drop of support is drained from my body. Also, when I set a goal and lock onto that goal, it's hard to stop me from meetingit. But more than not, this facet of my personality is a bad thing. Most notably, Istay awake until I can absolutely stay awake no longer... and then I sleep until I can absolutely sleep no longer. While many people eat until they're full, I also have a nasty habit of not eating until my body revolts and demands it.

So what do I do? I've identified the problem, but I've got no idea how to solve it successfully. I know where I stand now and where I want to be... but I can't figure out what path to take to get there. This is quite frustrating.

copyright © 2001-02, Thomas Fletcher. all rights reserved.