and I talked a little bit about December 1999 and the ugliness that I caused.
You see, in August of that year, we had talked about dating once again. We
decided to wait until after the semester ended to discuss the matter further.
However, as the fall 1999 semester progressed, I fell for someone else. On
December 4 of that year, I went out with that someone else. After the date,
to tell her. She didn't take the news very well. Tonight, she admitted to
crying herself to sleep after I told her of my date. More than a year later,
I still feel crummy about how things turned out. There's more in-depth versions
of the story elsewhere in the journal. You can probably find them in the
Choices are hard sometimes.
I often wonder about what another shot at a relationship with Jessie would be like. But something in the back of my mind says that I should make sure I'm not settling for Jessie. Something makes me worry that I'll date her and someone else -- someone I think is better for me -- will come along. And I'll hurt her again. And I can't stand to do that. We're too good of friends for me to allow her to suffer through what she did in late 1999 / early 2000.
On the flip side of the coin, I'm worried about flying too far from the nest, so to speak. I worry that I'll go search for someone better and I'll lose Jessie in the process... and I don't want that, either.
I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Tonight made me realize that. And I'm not sure where to go from here.
copyright © 2001-02, Thomas Fletcher. all rights reserved.