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Note:

This entry was written offline and added July 12. Because of that, no daily information is available.


365:

July 8: Wierd dreams and mind reading.


saturday, july 8th

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Quote Du Jour:
"Last night you told her, you could never hold her.
'Cause a cowboy's just gotta be free.
Her heart was breakin', yours was achin',
But you saddled up to follow your dreams.

Coffee on your campfire, wind through the barbed wire.
You huddle close to the flames.
Though she's far behind you, the night wind reminds you.
It just keeps on whisperin' her name.

You can make a run for the border.
Try to hide up the hole in the wall.
But don't you know your arms are achin' to hold her?
And cowboy even though you're riding tall...
You're riding for a fall.

Midnight the moons up, hands around your tin cup.
The frost settles in on the sage
The night's gettin' colder, well, man you're gettin' older.
Tonight you're feeling you're age.

Well, why don't you turn back, just saddle up and backtrack.
You know you'll never find a love quite like hers.
And tell me:
On a cold lonesome evenin', what the hell goods your freedom?
Don't you think it's time you hung up your spurs?

You can make a run for the border.
Try to hide up the hole in the wall.
But don't you know your arms are achin' to hold her?
And cowboy even though you're riding tall...
You're riding for a fall.

Cowboy, you're Riding For A Fall..."

(Chris LeDoux)


Tonight, Jessie and I talked a little bit about December 1999 and the ugliness that I caused. You see, in August of that year, we had talked about dating once again. We decided to wait until after the semester ended to discuss the matter further. However, as the fall 1999 semester progressed, I fell for someone else. On December 4 of that year, I went out with that someone else. After the date, I called Jessie to tell her. She didn't take the news very well. Tonight, she admitted to crying herself to sleep after I told her of my date. More than a year later, I still feel crummy about how things turned out. There's more in-depth versions of the story elsewhere in the journal. You can probably find them in the archives.


Choices are hard sometimes.

I often wonder about what another shot at a relationship with Jessie would be like. But something in the back of my mind says that I should make sure I'm not settling for Jessie. Something makes me worry that I'll date her and someone else -- someone I think is better for me -- will come along. And I'll hurt her again. And I can't stand to do that. We're too good of friends for me to allow her to suffer through what she did in late 1999 / early 2000.

On the flip side of the coin, I'm worried about flying too far from the nest, so to speak. I worry that I'll go search for someone better and I'll lose Jessie in the process... and I don't want that, either.

I guess I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Tonight made me realize that. And I'm not sure where to go from here.

copyright © 2001-02, Thomas Fletcher. all rights reserved.