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Okay bowling fans, can you say, "Turkey"? (Three strikes in a row for you non-bowlers.) Yes, this marks the third day in a row that I've updated The Window. Also, I was well enough to return to class.


I'm still congested and I have a big weekend planned, but no money to spend to help me enjoy it more.


Fingers on the keyboard.


A Coke and a pair of Equate allergy/sinus pills.


Maybe its time to get a job. No, wait. I'm wacked out enough as it is... Do I really need a job to add to the stress? Maybe I could sell plasma, instead. Hmmm...


No entry.

thursday, october 25th

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Quote Du Jour:
"Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important, others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs." - (Christopher Morley)

Ever heard the saying "those that can... do; those that can't... teach"?

There are plenty of examples at my university of the latter group and, unfortunately, it seems some of those teach in my major. Yet, I'm not here to rant about those (I'll save that for another day). I'm here to introduce to you a guy that doesn't meet the standard set by the above phrase -- a guy that can both do the job and teach others about it.

Dr. Burns is my Criminal Investigations professor. I was introduced to him last semester when I took a class titled simply "The Police" under him. The subject matter in both classes has been fairly basic, but I can't imagine taking either subject with any other professor. What makes this guy different is that he's not limited by a textbook -- he is a retired treasury agent.

Burns spent some time with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms. He has worked with Federal Narcotics. He's done undercover work throughout the region. He's been involved in drug busts, illegal weapons trading and shootouts. This guy could be a character on a television program... except, of course, he's for real and that makes him better than any show.

The man is frank and to the point. Rarely does he beat around the bush or mince words. I like that about him. And I like the fact that he not only has working knowledge of the stuff he teaches, but that he's proven himself in the classroom, too. It's one thing to have a Ph.D. only or real life experience only... but what could be better than having the best of both worlds?

I do believe Dr. Burns will be one of the professors I remember long after my college experience is over. If not for his teaching style or his experience or the stories he's told, it'll be for his Burns-isms. This guy uses expressions that make the entire classroom chuckle... And I think that's a great thing. I believe that learning something and being able to have a little fun doing so can lead to great success.

Hmm... maybe that's why I made an A on his last test.

Without further ado, here are a few Burns-isms for you & yours...

On a particularly seductive witness he was protecting: "This girl could compromise John the Baptist."

On working in the field of criminal justice: "There's some goofy suckers out there... and you're going to get to meet them."

Burns on Satan: "If the Old Testament has any accuracy to it, ol' Satan was right there in the middle of [heaven] and then he started acting up. If I had been there, I would have arrested him. We could have avoided all that trouble. I'd smoked him right there in the garden."

On roadkill in his native state of Louisiana: "Most states will remove a dead animal from the road... but not in Louisiana. If we can squash him, we'll leave him there."

On meeting up with a particularly dangerous fugitive: "He decided he didn't want to die that day. 'Cause he would have. We would have eaten his lunch. It wasn't gonna be just one round. It would have been all of them."

On training: "I like a good school. Even if I'm not going to use [the knowledge]. Maybe I'll use it in another life. Maybe ol' J.C. (Jesus Christ) will have some back acres he wants me to patrol."

On not having your weapon when needed: "It's gonna be a bad day at Black Rock."

On the wildlife population in the aforementioned state: "We've got more wildlife than we ever have... except for when ol' Columbus hit the bank out there."

On lethal injection: "It puts you into a surgery-like state and then you stop the heart... And you're off to get your reward."

copyright © 2001, Thomas Fletcher. all rights reserved.