peak:
Mmm..


valley:
Entirely too much stuff to do this week and not enough time to do it all.


noise:
CMT.


food:
A sausage biscuit four and a half hours ago (it's 1:30 p.m.).


thoughts:
I don't want to go to class.


365:
No Entry
Doesn't that suck?

tuesday
04.09.02

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Quote du jour:
"Life is a succession of lessons which must be lived to be understood." (Thomas Carlyle)


I've taken damn near all of my mass communications classes under Jeffrey Nash (the pitfalls of having only four professors in my area of concentration)... and if there is one thing I've learned about him, it's that he doesn't let class out early.

Except for today, that is.

As I was walking out the of the Mass Comm. building 15 minutes before I was supposed to,
Julie was walking in. Before she could catch me looking her way, I turned my attention to some papers I was carrying and walked away. I didn't feel like exchanging pleasantries with her. After all, what was the point? She closed that chapter on her own a few months ago.

* * * * *

From: Julie (julie@domain.com)
To: Fletch (folkswhostealaddresses@areratbastards.com)
Subject: Please do not write anymore
Date: Thu, 10 Jan 2002 06:20:57 -0800 (PST)

I am engaged to get married please do not write me anymore in the future.

Julie

* * * * *

I had originally written her a week or two earlier to send holiday wishes her way. It had been many moons since we'd last chatted and I was sure there was plenty to catch up on. Of course, the last thing I expected to see in my inbox was the the "Please do not write my anymore" subject line. Call me old fashioned if you will... but I'm no fan of rejection.

I fired an e-mail back at her to wish her the best of luck in her life and to say that it was a shame we couldn't remain friends.

* * * * *

From: Julie (julie@domain.com)
To: Fletch (areyou@ratbastard.com)
Subject: Hey
Date: Tue, 15 Jan 2002 06:52:00 -0800 (PST)

sorry that it has been so long. I have had an extremely busy semester. the biggest news in my life is that I'm getting married some time this year. I met this wonderful man last year and we have decided to get married. unfortunately this will be my last letter to you. I don't feel right with our past relationship still talking with you. I'm sorry. congrats on this being your last semester. I hope that the real world isn't to cruel to you.

take care

Julie

* * * * *

I was a new guy in a new town in the fall of 1998. I'd only been in Oakdale a couple of months and only had a handful of close friends at the time. For curiosity's sake, I tried placing a Yahoo! personal and had one particular reply that interested me. Her name was Julie.

We exchanged messages for a while, chatted a bit online and then took our budding friendship to the phone. After only one call, we decided to meet in person.

I was running five minutes late when I was caught by a train on the way to the mall food court where we were supposed to meet. By the time I'd arrived, she'd given up on me and left. Of course, this wasn't the sort of first impression I'd hoped to make, but I called her and she hurried back.

There were no fireworks when our eyes first met and, at first, I was disappointed because of that... but it didn't take us terribly long to make a connection as we spent the better part of an afternoon in uncomfortable chairs talking about damn near everything.

Julie and I lived in the same region of the state and went to the same school, but we ran in completely different circles with completely different schedules and lifestyles. For those reasons, we spent little time together... yet thanks to ICQ & e-mail, we stayed connected for almost four years.

Our friendship ran in a cycle that saw lots of communication between us for extended periods of time... and then stretches of time with little to none. Yet, regardless of how quiet it had ever gotten between us, we never had a problem picking up where we'd left off.

We
talked about crossing the line of friendship in some of our latenight conversations, but something was always in the way of that... until last spring.

One afternoon, she came over and we made out.

A week later, she came back and we took it a little further.

I'm sorry to say that neither day was anything special for me. I'm not sure what I expected... I think I thought being with someone who I wasn't attached to would be loads of fun. I was looking for no strings, no commitments and no guilt. I think I hit all three of those, but it wasn't what it was cracked up to be... At least, not with Julie.

She called or e-mailed a day or so afterwards and wanted to know if the next weekend would be too soon to get together. I was supposed to spend the weekend with friends and told her that we'd get together and make a plan for sometime later. I'm not sure what happened. I guess life just gets in the way sometimes. Julie and I never got around to making those plans.

* * * * *

When I went back to see if there was an entry from this date last year for the "365" feature, I read my April 10, 2001 ramblings. Interestingly enough, April 10 was the last time Julie and I were together. It will have been a year ago tomorrow. How odd is it that?

* * * * *

All things considered, I'm glad Julie came in and out of my life. I'm sorry that she doesn't think we can be pals... but she's taught me how to forget about people -- or, at the least, put them out my mind.

I've had a tough time forgetting a person or two who came into my life in a romantic sort of way. I sometimes wondered if it was just my nature to dwell on such things. But obviously, it's not... At least, not always. That's a reassuring feeling and is proof that something good comes out of every experience we have.


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