I had the day off and I lounged around all day.

I lounged around all day.

"Paramedics" on Discovery Health.

Nothing lately.

Time to go to bed.

20 August 2001
Death of freedom.

20 August 2000
No entry.


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Quote du jour:
"...And so Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from life to life, striving to put right what once went wrong and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap home." (from the opening lines of "Quantum Leap")

Written Thursday, June 20, 2002...

I got an e-mail today from Jessie (oddly enough, I was in her office when I read it) with the quote, "They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them." In so many words, she said that the quote described me... And how the quote summed up one of my goals in life -- to leave an impression.

I'll disagree with part of the quote... I think it takes longer than an hour to appreciate me. I am an acquired taste. But I do like to think that I've left my mark (in a positive way) on the other lives I've stumbled across. Maybe it's self-centered and egotistic... But I want people to remember me. I want people to tell stories about me when they are old and gray. And when people look back on their life, I'd like them to be thankful for knowing me... Because, in most cases, I'm thinking as much about them.

Written Tuesday, August 20, 2002...

By my nature, I can grow restless very easily without any reason at all. It's funny how some things will hold my attention forever and how I quickly grow tired of other things. I've previously talked about this trait in a roundabout way... I called it my SimCity complex.

When I worked at the school paper, we had an old copy of SimCity 2000 loaded on one of the Macs. In my free time, I loved to build to kick ass cities... But what I found more enjoyable than building cities was blowing them up and rebuilding them in an even better form. If you look at a detailed version of my life's story... You'll find that I've done the same thing in real life. I get something the way it "should be" and then I have to go and make it better.

My restlessness also shows on my resume. Jessie tells me that she finds it hard to figure out when she's been doing something long enough. On the other hand, she says, my magic number is four years. I spent four years at my first newspaper job and then I spent four years at my college paper job. After four years, it seems... My work is done and it's time to move on. I call this my Quantum Leap complex.

For some, a job is just a paycheck... a means to an end. For me, it's much more than that. If I'm going to dedicate a large part of my life to something, I'm going to want it to flourish and succeed (most of my college career notwithstanding). I honestly believe that I left both papers in better shape than I found them. And that was my mission all along... To make an impact, to improve the situation and to move on (a la Sam Beckett).

After two months at my new job, I still feel as though I'm where I belong. However, I've already encountered a few things that need some improving. As a probie, I have little control... but I'm already making a list for the future. Hopefully, I'll be around long enough to leave my mark on the department and its people. How long will I stick around in Lakeland? Good question.

I think I'd like to find a place where I could live out the rest of my life but I wonder if my personality will ever allow that. Early on at Lakeland Fire, I had brief delusions that this could be *the* job for me. I've since dismissed those. It's just too early to tell. For me, forever is a really long time and I can't imagine doing anything forever. Doing something for four years? Now that's a different story... 'Cause that's all I know.


Sam Beckett never leaped home.

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