I don't know what to write... Or even that
I should -- here.
But as soon as I finished my phone calls to
Sara
and then to
Jonathan,
I sat down at the computer... I don't know what I'm feeling right now, but
figured that this would be the best place to try to find out.
For most of the time I knew
Sara
in college, she was dating Guy. They had been friends before dating... and
that seemed to have laid a solid foundation upon which to build their romance.
Through the years they dated, Guy became sort of an honorary member of our
newspaper gang. Many times when we went out to a club, it was with him and
his friends, too. He showed up at some of our infamous parties over at Jonathan's
house. To most of us, he was more than just
Sara's
boyfriend... Even after they broke up in the year before we graduated, he
wasn't a stranger.
His relationship to us -- or, rather, to me -- is hard to define... I can't
say that he was a close friend... but he was more than just "a friend of
a friend." To top it off, he was for the most part what I call "good people."
And so I guess it's because of the shades of gray he falls into that it's
hard to know what to feel today.
He suffered a brain aneurysm earlier this week...
This morning, he died.
Guy's the first of the people I knew in
college to die.
That -- in and of itself -- really shakes me. I've got pictures of him stored
away in my photo drawer in my bedroom from some of my adventures with the
gang from the paper. There's a video over by my television from our Christmas
party in 2000. He's on that, too. They used to have a bulletin board at the
college paper full of snapshots. One of the most prominent pictures on the
board was one of Guy with a empty beer case on his head during a round of
Presidents and Assholes. In fact, when I got the e-mail from
Sara
telling me that he'd died, that was the first picture that came to mind --
Guy wearing a beer hat. And now he's not here. Wow...
I most concerned for his friends back in
Oakdale.
Some of them always seemed like shady cats to me. Hell, that's what I thought
of Guy until I got to know him better. But no one deserves to have their
friend yanked from their life. They can't be doing well.
And I worry about
Sara.
Guy was a big part of her life for a long time. As she told me in an e-mail,
"I've know the guy for almost 5 years, even loved him for two. Even after
everything that has happened, I still consider him a friend." She sounded
good when I called her... or as good as one could sound on a cell phone driving
back to
Oakdale
to be with grieving friends. I feel trapped here. A big part of me wants
to be back in
Oakdale
to check on her for real... to make sure she's okay.
The funeral will probably be in Guy's hometown... some
eight hours down the road from
Franklin.
They'll be gathering in
Oakdale
in the meantime... that's only a four-hour drive. Unfortunately, I've gotta
be at work in about 15 hours (it's 4:15p now) for a 24-hour shift.
I know what to do in so many situations. This isn't one of them. I'm feeling
a lot of things right now... I'm sort of wigged out, really. I don't know
what I should be thinking or feeling or doing right now... and that's a feeling
I'm not particularly fond of.
This entry has helped. Okay, sort of not really but yes in a way.
If you're the praying type, please say one for Guy's
family & friends (including
Sara).
He was really close with his brother and his whole group of friends was almost
a family of sorts, too.
We're not here forever, you know. There is an ending
to everyone's story... Which, like the beginning, is out of our hands. Something
like this a reminder of that. Take from that what you will. |
