A buddy from work and his girl dropped by my place and took me out to lunch.

See right.


Turkey sandwich at McAlister's.

See right.

10 Oct. 2001
No entry.

10 Oct. 2000
I want to write, but...


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Quote du jour:
"Blessed are those that mourn: for they shall be comforted."
Matthew 5:4 (KJV)

I don't know what to write... Or even that I should -- here.

But as soon as I finished my phone calls to Sara and then to Jonathan, I sat down at the computer... I don't know what I'm feeling right now, but figured that this would be the best place to try to find out.

For most of the time I knew Sara in college, she was dating Guy. They had been friends before dating... and that seemed to have laid a solid foundation upon which to build their romance. Through the years they dated, Guy became sort of an honorary member of our newspaper gang. Many times when we went out to a club, it was with him and his friends, too. He showed up at some of our infamous parties over at Jonathan's house. To most of us, he was more than just Sara's boyfriend... Even after they broke up in the year before we graduated, he wasn't a stranger.

His relationship to us -- or, rather, to me -- is hard to define... I can't say that he was a close friend... but he was more than just "a friend of a friend." To top it off, he was for the most part what I call "good people." And so I guess it's because of the shades of gray he falls into that it's hard to know what to feel today.

He suffered a brain aneurysm earlier this week...
This morning, he died.

Guy's the first of the people I knew in college to die.

That -- in and of itself -- really shakes me. I've got pictures of him stored away in my photo drawer in my bedroom from some of my adventures with the gang from the paper. There's a video over by my television from our Christmas party in 2000. He's on that, too. They used to have a bulletin board at the college paper full of snapshots. One of the most prominent pictures on the board was one of Guy with a empty beer case on his head during a round of Presidents and Assholes. In fact, when I got the e-mail from Sara telling me that he'd died, that was the first picture that came to mind -- Guy wearing a beer hat. And now he's not here. Wow...

I most concerned for his friends back in Oakdale. Some of them always seemed like shady cats to me. Hell, that's what I thought of Guy until I got to know him better. But no one deserves to have their friend yanked from their life. They can't be doing well.

And I worry about Sara. Guy was a big part of her life for a long time. As she told me in an e-mail, "I've know the guy for almost 5 years, even loved him for two. Even after everything that has happened, I still consider him a friend." She sounded good when I called her... or as good as one could sound on a cell phone driving back to Oakdale to be with grieving friends. I feel trapped here. A big part of me wants to be back in Oakdale to check on her for real... to make sure she's okay.

The funeral will probably be in Guy's hometown... some eight hours down the road from Franklin. They'll be gathering in Oakdale in the meantime... that's only a four-hour drive. Unfortunately, I've gotta be at work in about 15 hours (it's 4:15p now) for a 24-hour shift.

I know what to do in so many situations. This isn't one of them. I'm feeling a lot of things right now... I'm sort of wigged out, really. I don't know what I should be thinking or feeling or doing right now... and that's a feeling I'm not particularly fond of.

This entry has helped. Okay, sort of not really but yes in a way.

If you're the praying type, please say one for Guy's family & friends (including Sara). He was really close with his brother and his whole group of friends was almost a family of sorts, too.

We're not here forever, you know. There is an ending to everyone's story... Which, like the beginning, is out of our hands. Something like this a reminder of that. Take from that what you will.

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