got married June 12. That event should have deserved more than a five-word
sentence 16 days late... but, for now, that's just how things will have to
be. I have a story to tell.
The night before the wedding, I got together with a bunch of friends who
flew in for the big day. We made a run to the liquor store and then
spent a few quality hours at the Holiday Inn back home. (NOTE: When I say
the liquor store, I do mean the. It's the only one in the entire
county and it's a good 12 miles down the curviest road in the area. But,
that's what ultra-conservative drinking laws get you.)
After a few hours in the room, a handful of longnecks and one request by
hotel staff to quieten down, it was time for me to head home. A friend of
mine was walking in the hotel as I walking out. He'd just seen a Hummer that
was not only illegally parked in a handicapped spot, but was parked poorly
In our slightly intoxicated state, this appeared to be a travesty against
all mankind. I'm sure this mind set had something to do with us being good
law-abiding citizens... but I'm also pretty sure that the beer kicked our
concern up a notch or two. We decided that action had to be taken!
I went into the lobby and asked the clerk what the hotel's policy was on
handicapped parking. What came out of her mouth was so astonishing that I
had to write it down so I'd remember it correctly the next morning.
"We ain't got no official
policy. We figure that the handicapped
people will get here early enough to get a
good spot. If I had a
ride, I'd park it there, too."
The words alone give you an idea of how kooky a girl this was. But I only
wish you could have heard her say it. She said it with an accent so thick
that I got the feeling that this girl had, at one time, either been on COPS
or been on the news saying, "the tornado sounded like a freight train."
So, after repeating what the clerk had said -- verbatim and with heavy emphasis
on the accent -- to my friends a few times... I decided to leave a note for
the Hummer's owner.
Dear sir or madame-
We took notice of your hummer that is (a) parked
poorly within the
confines of the designated parking spot and
(b) occupying a
designated handicapped parking spot without
certification to do such. Be advised the former
is rude. The latter
is in violation of local and state statutes.
Have a nice day.
Smallville-Area Better Parking
No, no... No parades please. I'm just a guy trying to do his part.