Monday, June 28, 2004
quote du jour:
"Judging from the main portion of the history of the world, so far, justice is always in jeopardy." -- Walt Whitman

Amanda got married June 12. That event should have deserved more than a five-word sentence 16 days late... but, for now, that's just how things will have to be. I have a story to tell.

The night before the wedding, I got together with a bunch of friends who flew in for the big day. We made a run to the liquor store and then spent a few quality hours at the Holiday Inn back home. (NOTE: When I say the liquor store, I do mean the. It's the only one in the entire county and it's a good 12 miles down the curviest road in the area. But, that's what ultra-conservative drinking laws get you.)

After a few hours in the room, a handful of longnecks and one request by hotel staff to quieten down, it was time for me to head home. A friend of mine was walking in the hotel as I walking out. He'd just seen a Hummer that was not only illegally parked in a handicapped spot, but was parked poorly at that.


In our slightly intoxicated state, this appeared to be a travesty against all mankind. I'm sure this mind set had something to do with us being good law-abiding citizens... but I'm also pretty sure that the beer kicked our concern up a notch or two. We decided that action had to be taken!

I went into the lobby and asked the clerk what the hotel's policy was on handicapped parking. What came out of her mouth was so astonishing that I had to write it down so I'd remember it correctly the next morning.

     "We ain't got no official policy. We figure that the handicapped
     people will get here early enough to get a good spot. If I had a
     ride, I'd park it there, too."

The words alone give you an idea of how kooky a girl this was. But I only wish you could have heard her say it. She said it with an accent so thick that I got the feeling that this girl had, at one time, either been on COPS or been on the news saying, "the tornado sounded like a freight train."

So, after repeating what the clerk had said -- verbatim and with heavy emphasis on the accent -- to my friends a few times... I decided to leave a note for the Hummer's owner.

     Dear sir or madame-
     We took notice of your hummer that is (a) parked poorly within the
     confines of the designated parking spot and (b) occupying a
     designated handicapped parking spot without displaying proper
     certification to do such. Be advised the former is rude. The latter
     is in violation of local and state statutes. Have a nice day.

     /s/ [Unreadable]
     Smallville-Area Better Parking Commission

No, no... No parades please. I'm just a guy trying to do his part. Heh.

Better Parking Commission

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