Thursday, January 20, 2005
quote du jour:
"In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities." -- Janos Arany

After watching The West Wing last night at work, being stretched out across my bunk just felt too good. I knew I shouldn't have. But I couldn't resist. I bunched my pillow up beneath my head and closed my eyes. I slept for about an hour... knowing that I'd be up the rest of the night.

I finally returned to sleep about 3 a.m., catching a little more than three hours before leaving work. Once home, most of my morning and early afternoon was spent watching Inaugural-related television. On days like today, I'm not so much interested in who the president is... I just enjoy watching the pomp and circumstance of it all. About two or so, but body took over and demanded that I rest. I crawled into bed and slept in 30 minute increments until nearly 6 p.m. -- each session filled with very vivid dreams.

I'm always caught in a odd place when it comes to dreams. When I wake up and have a dream fresh in my head... I want to write it down. But if I start putting pen to paper... I'm awake. And when I come out of a fresh, lush dream, I don't want to be awake. I close my eyes quickly and try to dive back in. I know I probably won't land where I left, but I hope that the next one will be even better. Of course, when I finally wake up for good... I'm usually left only with the feeling that I've had good dreams and not actual memories of them.

For the most part, the theme of the day was Jessie.

Jessie's birthday is on Halloween. In one dream, I was walking down a long alley lined with doors to residences in buildings that must have been tall... I don't remember seeing much sky.

As I reached down to open the door to my home, there was some sort of plastic amputated hand near the knob. Jessie has decorated for Halloween, I thought. When I walked in, it wasn't just my place. It seemed that she lived there, too. But there was also a third person on a couch in the living room. I have no idea who they were, but it felt like they might have lived there, too.

Suddenly, it hit me. It was Halloween. It was Jessie's birthday. And I hadn't gotten her anything. I walked into the room and we began to have a conversation -- none of which I remember except that I tried to avoid the topic of her birthday. And then I woke up.

Hours after my coma and series of dreams were over, I suddenly had memories of something pop into my head. They must have been from the afternoon's dreams... because they were memories of something that's never occurred. I don't recall every detail, but the scenes that popped in had me finding a building on fire while on my day off. Somehow, I was able to go in and extinguish the fire before the fire department arrived. Nothing like that has ever happened to me.

The most realistic of the dreams came somewhere in the middle of the afternoon.

Jessie and I were in an apartment that felt very much like the one in the earlier dream. We were talking about something that seemed totally unimportant... When, out of the blue, the topic changed to the failed engagement of someone we knew -- who that is specifically, I don't know. I admitted that after his fiance had given the ring back, that our friend had passed it on to me. I pulled it out and leaned in close to her.

There is a feeling that you get right before you kiss someone you like for the very first time... It's much like the knot that forms between your heart and your stomach when you first profess your love for someone. In the dream, I had that feeling so strongly that it lingered once I woke up.

Before waking, however, I leaned into Jessie... opened the ring box... and asked her to marry me. I'm not sure what her initial answer was. I'm not even sure if she gave one. Before we could think about that, we were looking at the ring. We talked about how it might be bad to use someone else's ring. Then she asked me if I really wanted to marry her. I didn't answer. She suggested that it might not be a good idea just yet and I woke up...

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